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Lately I’ve been thinking about how things are changing for me, slowly.
I’ve been painting watercolors for about half a year now. At first it was just something relaxing to do. But over time, it’s made me start thinking about things I hadn’t paid attention to before—like sensitivity, emotion, and how I actually feel inside.
I’ve worked in the software and cloud computing industry for over ten years, mostly in data&AI.
I’ve spent over a decade in an intensely logical, fast-moving, always-on world. I’ve built, managed, strategized, led, and created. But in all that thinking and working, feeling had to take a back seat.
I never really stopped working. My mind’s always been active—thinking, solving, learning.
But I guess I haven’t spent much time just feeling. Or noticing how I feel.
Maybe that’s part of why things feel different now. Through painting, parenting, and this pause—is not just a soft change. It’s a deep recalibration of who I am and how I live.
Three months ago, I had two babies. It’s my first real break in years.
Now I have about half a year to stay home and take care of them.
And during this time, I’ve found myself thinking more, not just about them, but also about life, the world, and myself.
I think the combination of the break and becoming a parent is giving me space to reflect in a way I never really have before.
I’m starting to realize that sensitivity isn’t really about being weak or emotional—it’s just being present.
And I don’t think I used to feel very present.
Life before was mostly thinking, doing, planning.
Now, I’m noticing more. Paying attention in a different way.
And I’m realizing that without that kind of attention, life can feel kind of flat. A little grey. Or maybe blue.
Anyway, I don’t have any big conclusions yet. But I feel like something in me is changing.
And that feels worth writing down.
I’ve been painting watercolors for about half a year now. At first it was just something relaxing to do. But over time, it’s made me start thinking about things I hadn’t paid attention to before—like sensitivity, emotion, and how I actually feel inside.
I’ve worked in the software and cloud computing industry for over ten years, mostly in data&AI.
I’ve spent over a decade in an intensely logical, fast-moving, always-on world. I’ve built, managed, strategized, led, and created. But in all that thinking and working, feeling had to take a back seat.
I never really stopped working. My mind’s always been active—thinking, solving, learning.
But I guess I haven’t spent much time just feeling. Or noticing how I feel.
Maybe that’s part of why things feel different now. Through painting, parenting, and this pause—is not just a soft change. It’s a deep recalibration of who I am and how I live.
Three months ago, I had two babies. It’s my first real break in years.
Now I have about half a year to stay home and take care of them.
And during this time, I’ve found myself thinking more, not just about them, but also about life, the world, and myself.
I think the combination of the break and becoming a parent is giving me space to reflect in a way I never really have before.
I’m starting to realize that sensitivity isn’t really about being weak or emotional—it’s just being present.
And I don’t think I used to feel very present.
Life before was mostly thinking, doing, planning.
Now, I’m noticing more. Paying attention in a different way.
And I’m realizing that without that kind of attention, life can feel kind of flat. A little grey. Or maybe blue.
Anyway, I don’t have any big conclusions yet. But I feel like something in me is changing.
And that feels worth writing down.
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